From Birth to Dorm: Building a Supportive Community for Academic and Personal Growth

Two weeks ago I moved my daughter into her college dorm. It was a culmination of many accomplishments that included being accepted to UC Berkeley, Stanford, Yale, and Harvard. 

When we began to share her college acceptances with others, we were immediately asked for the contact information for the college admissions consultant we had used.  We didn’t use one. Her college admissions were possible due to a series of actions we took as a family and to the power of a supportive community of family, friends, and teachers. 

I have begun to give much thought to what it took for my daughter to gain admission to so many amazing colleges. I asked my husband what he thought we had done to ensure academic and social success for her and here is the list we came up with:

1. Instill a Love for Learning: Our daughter really did not have a choice with both her parents being educators, but we instilled in her a love for learning all the time. My husband and I talked about things we had learned and we would ask our kids what they were learning and why they found that interesting. Of course, we sometimes got the teen response of, "I don't know. I didn't learn much." That response was ok with us because we knew they were learning and they were listening to what the rest of us were sharing.

   
   

2. Read, Read, Read: We are a family of readers. We read everything! Fiction, Non-fiction, magazines, newspapers, comic books, flyers, both print and digital. One family tradition we have when we travel is to visit the local public library and the independent bookstores. We also modeled the habit of carrying a book with you and to read it whenever you had downtime. We carried books to appointments, in the car, and yes, even to the restroom.

   
   

3. Enrichment Activities: We always tried to find activities that our kids were interested in outside of school. For our daughter, that included ballet, volunteering at the local elementary school, and day camps at the zoo and museums. This gave her exposure to a variety of activities that fostered her creativity and allowed her to develop her social skills and meet other children with similar interests. We found that the local public library offered many free and engaging activities.

   
   

4. Instill a Sense of Cultural Pride: We are proud Chicanos and we always instilled that pride in our children. We encouraged them to keep our Spanish language, although it is easier said than done. We took them to community center events, gallery openings, and kept traditions at home that taught them about our heritage. Of course, we also had to talk to them about the realities of racism and how to respond to it. We would discuss our experiences with bias (both internal and external) and racism. These are never easy conversations, but they are necessary to process the pain and anger that accompanies these negative encounters. 

   
   

5. Trust: We let our children know that we trust them all the time. Having been raised by overprotective immigrant parents, this was a hard parenting skill to develop, but I think we have done our best and we are starting to see the results. We let our kids know that we expect them to make mistakes along the way, after all this is the best type of learning. We also let them know that we expect them to first try to resolve these mistakes independently, but we will be there to support them if needed. So far, our kids have shown that they take initiative and responsibility for their actions. When they come to us it’s usually to walk through what they are thinking of doing or to tell us that they need help in solving the problem. Personally, I feel our kids are way more mature in solving problems than I ever was at their age and this makes me feel proud and excited for their future. 

   
   

6. Early Intervention: When both our kids were young, we began to see that they were going to need learning support. Our daughter had a severe language delay and our son was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. We knew early intervention was key to having them succeed in school and in life, so we made sure to work with our pediatrician to get referrals to the Regional Center and to our local school district. Although we were both educators, the world of special education was difficult to navigate. Our two children received amazing early intervention from great teachers and education specialists which helped them to thrive and become their own learning advocates in school. 

   
   

7. We Want You to Be Happy: Although I am elated about my daughter’s academic accomplishments, at the end of the day I want her to be happy. I want her to choose a career that brings her joy. Whenever she talks to me about her future plans, I always remind her that I want her to be happy…and that she needs to get a job that will pay her well so she can take her mother for a spa day :-) 

I now realize that these activities were not only things I did as a parent, but things I did as a teacher and principal. Which leaves me wondering how you lead this type of work in your school communities?

• In what ways do you create and build a community of learning?

• How do you ensure a culture of reading at your school?

• What opportunities for enrichment are provided to your students? Are there community partnerships you have built to provide these enrichment activities after school and during school breaks?

• How do you ensure that culturally responsive practices are in place at your school? 

• How do you build trusting relationships in your school community?

• What early intervention system is in place at your school to ensure students get the help they need to succeed academically and socially?

I would like to invite you to use the comments section and share how you have seen this done at schools.

Here’s to more students finding their purpose in life surrounded by a trusting, joyful, and supportive community!